Vogue 7464: Millinery is Hard

I am REALLY excited about Vogue 7464.  In fact, I bounded out of bed this morning, eager to get started on my hat-making adventures.  There are only 4 pattern pieces and no pesky size issues, so I was expecting some instant gratification out of this one.  I mean, really, how hard can it be?



I'm making View B -- the upper left version.

I read the instructions before I started.  They were confusing and vague, but I figured everything would make sense as I tackled each step.

 
Step 1:  I had to fold, gather and sew this weird little flap to a long rectangle.  Huh?  I couldn't see that flap anywhere on the picture on the envelope.  In fact, although it is asymetrical and jaunty, the pattern envelop only shows one angle of View B.  So I have no idea what the other three sides of the hat are supposed to look like.

I was getting slightly concerned.  Hmmmmm.  Maybe I should check patternreview.com and see what the good folks over there had to say.

Yeah.  Maybe I should have checked patternreview.com before I started this whole project.  Though the other hats are apparently a joy to sew, the universal consensus was that View B is Satan's spawn.  The directions make no sense, the diagrams are inaccurate and the whole thing is a giant exercise in frustration.

So I guess patternreview won't be much help.  I googled the pattern number and found a number of reviews -- universally negative -- about this pattern.  I also found a step-by-step set of supplemental instructions from a seamstress named Isis who slew this particular dragon and generously passed along her secrets here. 

Armed with Isis' instructions, I figured I CAN DO THIS.

Step 2:  Isis recommended thread tracing all the markings.  Ok.  I've got this.

The next few steps breezed by.  What was I so worried about?  Seriously.  I don't know what everybody else's problem was.  This is a total cakewalk. 

I even broke out the heavy duty wire cutters!

I was getting down to serious millinery business now.  My hat was going to ROCK.  I was brimming with self-confidence.  Some might call it hubris.
   
Things were going swimmingly.  Until Vogue wanted me to bend my hat into some kind of weird oragami yoga pose that bore no resemblance to any diagram contained in the instructions. 

I blinked a couple times.  Then I consulted Isis' blog.  And sat there and stared at it for a while.  Finally, I ended up with this:

Somehow THAT is eventually supposed to look like this:

The problem is that I'm running out of steps.  I'm not really sure how I'm going to get from that downward-dog-reverse-pike blob of felt to the elegant confection on top of that Vogue woman's head.  I've got some steamed buckram, a styrofoam ball and a yard of grosgrain left.  Wish me luck.  I think I'm gonna need it.